All of us have had moments that were less than warm. People have spoken harshly to us or treated us with contempt. Many times, these actions come from the very people who claim to love us. Often others will hear our story of disappointment and simply say, “Just get over it.” That seems dismissive and belittling.
I mean, how do I get over a non-loving father or a mother who constantly compares me to other parents, suggesting I’m not a good parent. How do I move forward with a spouse who is a bully or a close friend’s betrayal. How do I get over a spouse who cheated and ignored our marriage vows? You just don’t “get over” these things. So, how do I move forward and find contentment and joy again?
First, you need to identify “it”, it being that thing that you are struggling with. Some of us have a collection of its and most of us can identify that very time, place and person that did us wrong. It can be painful to remember but necessary if you want to get to a healthier place. The Apostle Paul says, “Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.” (Ephesians 4:31-32). So, we have to discover that thing that we are holding on to before we can even start forgiving.
Sometimes, we think to repress those hurtful things. But things that are repressed have a high rate of resurrection. So how do I know I’m stuffing things way down? There are a couple of red flags. One is you become angry over little things. You are enraged at traffic, red lights, waiting on the train, your kid spilling a drink at the dinner table.
Another flag might be you’re very defensive and over-sensitive. If anyone approaches you about your behavior and angry, you erupt and act as if everything is okay.
Sometimes, we rehearse the story of how we were hurt and by whom. You play it over and over in your head, even while laying in your bed at night. But Paul reminds us in Ephesians 4:27, “don’t let Satan a foot hold.” Any negative emotion gives away a little piece of your heart, a heart that actually belongs to Jesus.
So what do we do to get to a healthier place? We need to release the wrong doing to God. And that sounds simplistic. Biblically, that’s how we overcome when we’ve been wronged. Releasing it to God doesn’t minimize what’s been done to you. What you are actually sayings is, “God, this is so significant…so heavy, I need you to take it. I can’t carry this anymore. I know you know more than me so I’m trusting that you’ll have my back.” That’s when healing begins…when you let go of resentment and give everything to God.
The world will call you crazy when you act like Jesus but the new way of living will pay off. Don’t wait or hold back. Adopt a new, joy-filled way of living. On the other side is a beautiful marriage, kids that want to hang out with you, friends who want to be in your space, freedom and a good night’s sleep. Blessings on the journey.