Breaking Walls in Relationships.

Lawrence Ripple was tired of the nagging. He and Dori had been married 20 years. They lived in Kansas City in 2016 but the day came when he’d had enough. So he went downtown to a bank, handed a note to the teller. The note read, “Give me all your money. I have a gun.” So, the teller handed over about $2900. Lawrence then calmly sat down on a couch in the bank and began talking to the security guard until the police came.

The police arrested Lawrence but discovered he had no gun. When they asked Lawrence why he did it, he replied, “It was the only way to get away from my nagging wife.” Ironically when it came time for him to stand in front of the judge, she had the ability to give him 37 months in jail but, because she knew the reason for his action, instead, sentenced him to house arrest for six months.

I’ve heard from many, marriage can be like a ball and chain but it doesn’t have to be if we decide to enter into that relationship with the mind of Christ. By looking at the life of Christ, we discover that relationship requires sacrifice. Jesus reminds us of God’s intent for marriage in Mark 10 when he says, “a person leaves their mom and dad and is united with their spouse…” The word “united” in the original language means to “grab hold of and pursue with everything you have.” It’s the same type of language used in Deuteronomy as the book describes God’s love and relationship with us.

So, how do I pursue my spouse with everything I have? While no human relationship will ever be perfect, we can look at Jesus’ life as reflected in Philippians 2 to discover what sacrifice looks like. What we see is that Jesus’ love is filled with unselfish humility. There’s no easy hack for that…it’s just hard. Jesus left everything for you and me…he made himself nothing. How do you break down walls in your relationship? You make yourself nothing, considering others as more important than yourself.

And if we are going to look like Jesus in our relationship, you must give undeserved grace. Grace is what tore down the wall between you and God. So, we look to text like Ephesians 4:32 for guidance where Paul says, “be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.” Or 1 Corinthians 13 where Paul reminds us that love doesn’t keep record of wrongs. You want to tear down the walls, don’t keep a record of wrong but extend undeserved grace.

And finally, find the most generous explanation for your spouse’s behavior, then believe it. We should believe that the one to whom we said, “I do”, is good-willed and has good intentions. Now that doesn’t mean we put off working on things or put off difficult conversations but in your heart, we are believing they really mean well.

As believers in Jesus, we should be the best people in the world to practice this idea. So that’s the challenge, lean into your marriage and take on the personality of Jesus Christ. Someone has to take the first step in your relationship to show Jesus, why not you? You’ve got this. And He’s got you. Blessings on your journey.

Run, Forrest, Run!

Have you ever done something crazy for love? Just admit it…you have. I once had a date with my wife where we went to the lake at sunset and painted watercolor on canvas. We are not really artist but it was fun. You and I have done some interesting things for love. But isn’t it worth it?

We do tend to pursue what we don’t have. Whether it’s a physically fit body, more money, a bigger house, a better job, the perfect marriage…we run after what we don’t have. If you ever end up asking “where has the romance gone?” or “ Why don’t I feel in love any more?”, you probably have your priorities out of line. It should read like this, God is you ONE and your spouse is your TWO. If you find your priorities don’t read like this, I’ve got some suggestions to help reset priorities with your two.

When you think something good, say it. Don’t ever deprive your spouse of positive reinforcement. Hebrews 3:13 reminds us that simply saying great and positive things can help keep sin out of a marriage. Guys, pursue the woman in your life with words of affection…non-sexual affection. Physical touch is important but not for our point here. Tell her you love her BECAUSE _______________. It would mean so much to her to know why you love her. “I love you because you are a wonderful mother..because you are a great woman of God…because you brownies are to die for.” You know why you love her so tell her.

And ladies, pursue your man with words of affirmation. Let him know the positive ways you appreciate him. If he is, tell him he’s a great dad, or wonderful husband, or strong spiritual leader, or has great work ethic but don’t hold back. It will make all the difference to him.

She wants to know, “Do you love me today?” and he wants to know, “Do you believe in my today?”

Secondly, when you think something special, do it. Take off work early to get home and go on a walk together. Go to the park and talk about where you want to be next year or in 3 years. Enjoy time in nature together. Pick her car up from work early, get it cleaned and get it back before she gets off work. Send her flowers for no apparent reason. Bring her/him their favorite drink to work. Pick up tickets to see his favorite team play. Take interest in each other’s hobbies. There is so much you can do to remind your spouse how much you care about them and that you are thinking of them often.

Finally, when you want something different, be it. Sometimes, we end up pointing fingers at each other and playing the blame game. But no one ever criticized each other into a better marriage. You ultimately cannot control other people but you can control yourself. You be the person God has created you to be. You be you.

Remember, to get what you have never had, you’re going to have to do some things you’ve never done. Pursue your two with everything you have. Run after what you want for your marriage. Make God your one and you’ll find everything else will fall into place. Blessings on the journey.