Here Come the Crossroads.

At the end of the movie, “Castaway”, Tom Hanks plays a marooned FedEx employee who has to fight for his life on a barren island. Finally rescued, he gets back home to Memphis, TN where he discovers everyone has moved on. At the end of the movie, he is literally at a crossroads in the countryside deciding which way to go.

A crossroads is where two roads intersect. Two different things come together. As followers of Jesus, we find everyday that different people cross our paths…we intersect with others. As Christ-followers, our call is to tell the story of Jesus and how He’s changed our life every chance we get. And any time people intersect with us is a great time to share our life with them.

Jesus tells two stories in Matthew 13:44-46. Both are about finding treasure. One person stumbles on the treasure accidentally; another person is intentionally seeking the treasure. Both give up everything to have the treasure and both end up with the treasure. Those of us who found Jesus either stumbled upon him or we intentionally sought him out. But either way, both ended up with Jesus.

And because we are disciples, we are called to help others find Jesus too. I believe the Holy Spirit creates space every single day of our lives to intersect with others and in those moments, it’s a great opportunity to share what Jesus has done for us. There are several ways we can impact others with our story for the cause of Christ.

One way is just showing interest in the other person. Have you every noticed in a group when someone becomes emotional and gets vulnerable, humans try to change the subject? It’s just uncomfortable to see someone’s pain when we feel we can’t do anything about it. But let me encourage you to lean into that moment. You can show real interest by asking questions. There’s something very powerful in asking questions rather than coming with data. Create space with others to grow relationally by asking questions.

A second way is intercession. Pray specifically for people by name. When you pray for others by name you tend to check on them differently, don’t you? We follow up by seeing how the situation has changed. It makes us think about them often and how they are doing.

Another way is watching for life’s interruptions. When someone’s life is unexpectedly interrupted, there is potential for life-changing dialogue. Moments when there is a divorce, a job loss, or a death of someone close creates space to come alongside people with the story of Jesus. In moments of a new birth, a marriage, or a new job creates moments to share Jesus.

Finally, just getting involved with someone by saying something to them or doing something. It’s often messy and inconvenient but sometimes, you are the best person to say something and interact. Sometimes, you are the answer to prayer.

The challenge is living each day with an open hand and open heart for those around you. Know the Spirit will cross your path with others whom you can share the importance of Jesus. You have the ability within you to help others see how important Jesus can be to them. Blessings on the journey.

Foundation Matters.

Last year, I had to have some foundation work done on my house. One hold side had sunk about one inch and the drop had created some cracks in the drywall inside. The crew came out to lift up the house back to level and for a few thousands bucks, everything was right again.

Our relationships with each other are so important. No earthly relationship more important than your marriage. So, building it on the right foundation will make all the difference when the storms of life come. Jesus knew that too and tells us in Matthew 7 about two home builders. One built on bedrock and the other on shifting sand. Storms came with rains, floods and wind. The house built on sand came crashing down.

The material we use to build our marriage is critical. Using the wrong materials will not allow us to withstand the storm. Some of the things that create storms in our marriage are the baggage we bring from past relationships or how we spend or save money or how we discipline the kids or our harsh tones or disrespect. But when we decide to offer mutual respect to each other and offer unconditional love to each other, we find the storms are more likely to be survivable.

See, the storm reveals what materials make up the house. Many times, we first worry about aesthetics in the house rather than the foundation. But Jesus uses the word “Moro” in Matthew 7 in the original language. “Moro” is where we get our English word, “Moron” from. If you don’t pay attention to the foundation your building, Jesus calls you a moron.

So, don’t put undo pressure on your spouse by expecting them to meet every need you have. No one was created to complete you. Like all things, time plus pressure equals a cracked foundation. Equally, don’t create moments where unreasonable disappointment will exists. When your spouse doesn’t live up to your expectations, you feel disappointed. Then, you’ll begin looking for someone else to make you “feel” like you hoped someone else would.

At the end of the day, no relationship will ever be as intimate, as deep, as close as you hoped for without Jesus Christ in the middle of it. So, start today making Jesus the priority in your relationship. It’s the most impactful thing you can do to create a long-lasting one. Also, start today praying together out loud while holding hands. Do this for two weeks and see the difference it makes in your relationship. Blessings on the journey.

Breaking Walls in Relationships.

Lawrence Ripple was tired of the nagging. He and Dori had been married 20 years. They lived in Kansas City in 2016 but the day came when he’d had enough. So he went downtown to a bank, handed a note to the teller. The note read, “Give me all your money. I have a gun.” So, the teller handed over about $2900. Lawrence then calmly sat down on a couch in the bank and began talking to the security guard until the police came.

The police arrested Lawrence but discovered he had no gun. When they asked Lawrence why he did it, he replied, “It was the only way to get away from my nagging wife.” Ironically when it came time for him to stand in front of the judge, she had the ability to give him 37 months in jail but, because she knew the reason for his action, instead, sentenced him to house arrest for six months.

I’ve heard from many, marriage can be like a ball and chain but it doesn’t have to be if we decide to enter into that relationship with the mind of Christ. By looking at the life of Christ, we discover that relationship requires sacrifice. Jesus reminds us of God’s intent for marriage in Mark 10 when he says, “a person leaves their mom and dad and is united with their spouse…” The word “united” in the original language means to “grab hold of and pursue with everything you have.” It’s the same type of language used in Deuteronomy as the book describes God’s love and relationship with us.

So, how do I pursue my spouse with everything I have? While no human relationship will ever be perfect, we can look at Jesus’ life as reflected in Philippians 2 to discover what sacrifice looks like. What we see is that Jesus’ love is filled with unselfish humility. There’s no easy hack for that…it’s just hard. Jesus left everything for you and me…he made himself nothing. How do you break down walls in your relationship? You make yourself nothing, considering others as more important than yourself.

And if we are going to look like Jesus in our relationship, you must give undeserved grace. Grace is what tore down the wall between you and God. So, we look to text like Ephesians 4:32 for guidance where Paul says, “be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.” Or 1 Corinthians 13 where Paul reminds us that love doesn’t keep record of wrongs. You want to tear down the walls, don’t keep a record of wrong but extend undeserved grace.

And finally, find the most generous explanation for your spouse’s behavior, then believe it. We should believe that the one to whom we said, “I do”, is good-willed and has good intentions. Now that doesn’t mean we put off working on things or put off difficult conversations but in your heart, we are believing they really mean well.

As believers in Jesus, we should be the best people in the world to practice this idea. So that’s the challenge, lean into your marriage and take on the personality of Jesus Christ. Someone has to take the first step in your relationship to show Jesus, why not you? You’ve got this. And He’s got you. Blessings on your journey.

Laying Bricks in Relationship.

According to several articles, the most romantic line from a romantic movie is from “Jerry McGuire” where Tom Cruise tells Rene Zellwigger, “You complete me.” But the truth is, no one on the earth was created to complete you. No one was created to make you happy. No one was created to bring you real joy. The only person to ever live to do all of that was Jesus Christ.

However, when we date or marry, we end up bringing things into our relationship that can hinder intimacy. Some things we are aware of and others are hidden. Tim Keller said, “Marriage has a way of introducing you to yourself.” That is so true. I want to briefly talk about 6 things we bring that can harm our relationship if we are unaware they exist.

Almost always, we bring in unrealistic expectations. We believe we should not have to work at our marriage. I think I should always feel in love. We falsely believe we should not have problems we can’t solve. John Gottman’s research tells us that 69% of issues in marriage will never be resolved. Things like personality differences, libido differences, financial stresses or in-law stress all take more than one conversation to resolve.

We also underestimate our differences. Some of us are night owls while our partners are early risers. Some of us are extroverted while our spouse is an introvert. Some of those differences came out of our house of origin. So, your dad fixed everything in the house but your husband, not so much. Your mom always had dinner on the table by 5:30pm but you find yourself helping cook dinner.

At times, we have unmet needs. As humans, we have a need to feel protected and provided for. We have sexual needs and emotional needs. Rather than asking why our spouse is not meeting our needs, we should be asking how we can better meet our spouse’s needs. If we both ask that question, we’ll both be taken care of.

You might bring unresolved anger into your relationship. Maybe you have never worked through the challenges your parents laid on you or that sibling rilvary. You may have unresolved issues that happened to you as a young child and you’ve never gotten counseling. Because you’ve not worked through these issues, you answer your spouse with defensiveness and harsh tones. It’s hard to have intimacy when anger is present.

You could have helicopter parents. Even in your adulthood, you seek out their input over your spouse’s. When there’s an argument, you call dad/mom because you know they always think of you as their little one and will take your side no matter. But parents, if this is you, it’s time to let go so that your kids can mature, grow, and learn, discovering who they are as a married couple.

Finally there’s unrepentant sin. You have that secret sin compartmentalized and tucked away. As long as she doesn’t know, it will be alright. As long as he doesn’t find out, it will be fine. But sin in your life will always get in the way of intimacy. And not only intimacy with your spouse but your relationship with God as well.

So the challenge is to do two things. One, do some self-reflection and discover what you have brought into the relationship that you need to deal with. Second, pray out loud every night together for the next two weeks. It allows time for you to hear what’s on the heart of our spouse and begin breaking down the walls that have hindered intimacy. Blessings on the journey.